Saptami

My little sister (first cousin, actually) is back from the nursing home. Yay! Poor baby was ill for a long time, and then tested positive for both malaria and dengue. Her haemoglobin had dropped to 6.5, and she had to undergo blood transfusion day before yesterday. I went to visit her last evening - and felt terrible. She's three. My aunt had taken new clothes for her, and she was wearing them in the nursing home, and looking scared and woeful. What a godawful way to spend Pujo. But she's home now, and happier. So all is good again. My Dida's better, too, and so is my mother.
I'm completely woozy from my allergy medication though. Am mostly free of fever and all now, but still quite itchy on occasion, and am discreetly grimacing when the urge to scratch strikes in public. Did eventually go shopping on Wednesday, and went completely berserk. The urge to buy hit so hard that I was quite overwhelmed. Bought, and bought, and bought. Many many articles of clothing. Eight, in fact. Bought so much at one go from Westside that they gave me gift vouchers for close to a grand, and one of those Club West membership thingies.
So what all new clothes do I have?
Trousers, one number.
Capris, one number.
Kurtis, two numbers.
Kurtas, three numbers.
Salwar suits, two numbers.
Skirts, four numbers.
Shirts, two numbers.
T-shirts, seven numbers.
Pretty top, one number.
Slippers, one number.
I know this can't be terribly interesting for you. But Wheeeee! I LOVE new clothes.
Anyway, visited Sis at nursing home, and then went to Maddox Square yesterday. Wasn't all that bad. Met BL-LB and other people, and someone that it took me a while to recognise because he'd had a haircut since the last time I met him. Also mildly snubbed two people, without being particularly mean.
Oh, but terrible tragedy occurred! Met Him Who I Thought Was Hot, but turns out that he is not. Not really. Still very cute. But not hot. Why why why would he do this to me? Why must he be sartorially challenged? Would it have killed him to let me continue in my illusion of A Hottie in Calcutta? Bwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.
Spent most of today at home. Did not have to meet someone that I did not particularly want to meet because she cancelled. So went out later on and met MB and her friends, and also Acroyali and Lancelot, and went and had ice cream. Felt very generous and treated people, but now am SO broke. I now have two rupees and twenty five paise, two cigarettes, a soggy matchbox, and many many new clothes as my sole possessions in the world. Anyone want to buy clothes from me? Please? Or just plain and simple give me money out of the sheer goodness of your heart?
And oh, I looked very hot today, even though I say that myself, and only CCC agrees.

I'm afraid I'm becoming even more withdrawn than before. And that my online relationships are far more interesting and comfortable than my purely offline ones. I don't mean that I live my entire life on the net (though I do a fair bit of that - online living, that is), but that I immediately connect better with people that I converse with online on a regular basis. And with people whom I don't interact with online - it is as if there's this huge chunk of my life that they know nothing about, and I don't quite know how to share. I'm more comfortable hanging out with people that I am in touch with through the net as well, than with others. I'm closer to them. And feel strangely freer with them. This is odd, this internet dependence. I hope it doesn't quite indicate that I'm an emotional cripple using the net as a crutch.

I worry these days. About disjuncture and disconnection.

I need a big hug.