loss

i thought about calling her today. but i didn't. she returned my call the last time - when she wasn't home, and i left a message. i know she won't call again. that's not how it is any more.
the other day i saw her with a lot of her friends - i would once have said her other friends. i was in a car, and they were crossing the street. i didn't even feel the urge to call out.
i feel nothing, any longer.
and so i grieve.

the ability to survive is terrifying - to know that you'll live, no matter what...