Friday, July 08, 2005

further groomin tips for MeDJs:

(the ignorant, check this to find out who the MeDJs are...)

1. u must truly believe - frm d bottom of ur painstakingly slashd jeans decorated w/ inane flowers n sequins to d really gross n shiny cellphone dat lights up like d dance sequences in chandni bar fr no apparent reason - dat bhangra remixd w/ flamenco sounds really cool. however, u r absolutely forbidden frm knowin who or wat flamenco is.

2. u must b incapable of speakin ne language - b it ur mother tongue or ur father one - coherently. n u must use english - broken enuff to take d front two teeth of arnold schwarzenegger out - only, wen out in public.

3. u must hav headphones glued to ur ear until earwax starts drippin off dem. u r allowd to remove dem only - n only - wen u hav above-described cellphone as substitute.

4. cellphone ringtones must b capable of makin othr ppl puke, n ur voice must b able to reach ur phone-frnd w/o d aid of d phone itself. whisperin is strictly forbidden. unless, of course, u're whisperin crass nthns into d ears of alleged-PYTs.

5. fr men - if ur nipples ain't visible thru d shirt(?) whose transparency wud put an x-ray machine to shame, u ain't hot. fr women - d same applies if ur ass cleavage appropriately deckd w/ silver dust n crystal bindis ain't showin.

6. fr women - u must wear faux leathr n fake furs in summer, n winter wear shud consist of spaghettis w/ "hot babe" in pink n gold embossd across ur boobs. fr men - u absolutely must find orange pants w/ tail-like attachments hangin off ur butt irresistible.

7. jewellery must decorate all parts of ur body at all times. n no, u cannot wear less dan 6 chains arnd ur neck. n ur scarves must look like ur dog didn't find nethn else durin d matin season.

8. u must b caught nt less dan 3 times - applyin make-up/ hair gloss/ perfume in d loo of d park hotel; q-ing outside tantra at 5.15 p.m; hangin abt forum n q-ing outside the CCD outlet on lake road at all hrs.

9. character - or at d bare minimum, reputation - mst b highly suspect.

10. oh yes! gross body hair must always - n i mean always - b visible.

(this post is pending further updates.)