There is something in me so deeply flawed that it allows me not to take a lesson which should by now be etched within my veins.

Worried about bitch? Beware of dog.

We need a witness to our lives. There's a billion people on the planet... I mean, what does any one life really mean? But in a marriage, you're promising to care about everything. The good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things... all of it, all of the time, every day. You're saying 'Your life will not go unnoticed because I will notice it. Your life will not go unwitnessed because I will be your witness'.

Beverly Clark, Shall We Dance, 2004

As always when she saw Roddy, Elinor was conscious of a slightly giddy feeling, a throb of sudden pleasure, a feeling that it was incumbent for her to be very matter-of-fact and unemotional. Because it was so very obvious that Roddy, although he loved her, didn't feel about her the way she felt about him. The first sight of him did something to her, twisted her heart round so that it almost hurt. Absurd that a man - an ordinary, yes, a perfectly ordinary young man - should be able to do that to one! That the mere look of him should set the world spinning, that his voice should make you want - just a little - to cry . . . Love surely should be a pleasurable emotion - not something that hurt you by its intensity . . .
One thing was clear: one must be very, very careful to be off-hand and casual about it all. Men didn't like devotion and adoration. Certainly Roddy didn't.

Agatha Christie, Sad Cypress, Collins, UK, 1940

New title, new template

Come, see.

So single

Girl gets home from work, fixes herself a drink and a snack, surfs the internets, reads a book.

I'm not lamenting the absence of firm couplehood. Just wryly observing my transformation into a 'single in the city' cliche.

Heh.

The Weekend of the Hysterics

Is thankfully over. And hopefully not to be repeated anytime in the near future.

For the first time ever I'm tempted

I've been having these horrible insecure dreams of late. I wake up feeling sad and unsure, and spend the rest of the day feeling hesitant.

I think I'm becoming paranoid about intruding. And scared of being left out. It's... difficult.

Stupid

Weekend. Exciting.



The world isn't an attractive place tonight.

Sunday

Achingly, intensely lonely.

Crash

It has finally sunk in. And I can't stop crying.

fuck it.

Ah Orkut, how you never fail to charm and delight

Sushanta:
sodd off! who do u thik u are anyways ... junkie!

Mia:
But of course.

Sushanta:
yea wateva! Y do u so hate ppl appreciating a pic?? unless they'r sleavy..

Mia:
Oh you misunderstand me. I don't hate at all. I am merely offended by the absence of grammar and orthography.

Sushanta:
oh is tht so?? thts kinda cute. I get it. Probably u can advise 'em to go peek into an english dictionary n then scrap you with appropriate grammar n sentence structure ;)

Sushanta:
by the way, am sorry for bein a lil obnoxious! guess it was rude of me to scrap stuff to someone i dnt evn knw :(

Mia:
I'm not really that interested in their grammatical well-being. I just wish keenly to be spared the trouble of being visited by their comments.

And please, don't feel compelled to apologise. You are entitled to your opinions. Ideally not on my scrapbook, but then again, this world is far from ideal.

Sushanta:
Of course,i completely understand but correctly pointed, it's a world of free people ... right to expression but should retaliate if it hurts you. Dnt bother..I wasn't on a guillotine to apologize ... it was my choice!

Sushanta:
do read novels or short stories..wht kinda books do u read?

Sushanta:
Oops! ... tons of grammar errors, perhaps u can underline n chk 'em! no pun intended ...

Mia:
Charming though your interest is, I am afraid I find myself quite unable to further our acquaintance at this moment. Wish you an enlightened life.


... and 'Ignore User'.

I'm starting a movement. The Cult of Icy Set-downs, anyone?

sigh.

My cousin was date raped. I am upset.

The four stages of neediness

From here. Link through the gorgeous and lovely Aishwarya.

And while we are pretending that this blog is not dead

Mia: BCL has sent me a strange mailer

Aishwarya: ?

Mia: Be intellectually stimulated from our recent collection of Lifestyle, Self- development, Fiction and Children books

(it's an advert for their bookfair stall)

Aishwarya: ah.. :D

Mia: intellectually stimulated by children books

and i had thought that the day would never come

Aishwarya: I am!

Mia: how do children books grow up?

Aishwarya: they don't

it are like peter pan

ooh

or aslan

Mia: i are not narnia-read

Aishwarya: illiterate in the ways of christian indoctrination you are

Mia: but i can sing twenty hymns

Aishwarya: I also

Mia: including one in hindi and one in bangla

Aishwarya: I have nice book titled Come and Praise

I do not sings hymns in hindi. or anything in bangla.

Mia: dil ka darwaza khula hua
humaare dil mein aao prabhu
koi tujhsa dekha na kahin
sach hain yeh mere yeshu

i find the translation of 'my lord is true' utterly fascinating

Aishwarya: LOL yes

Mia: unless whoever wrote it actually meant 'my lord is real'

maybe it is a song to convert little bengali girls to christianity. by affirming the reality of jesus

Aishwarya: LOL

Mia: i am sure there was another hindi hymn, can't remember the lines, though

oh, do you know, i also know the russian do re mi song?

Aishwarya: I knew one in gaelic at one point. :P

!!

Mia: and a hindi militant song praising netaji

my god, no wonder i have turned out strange.

Aishwarya: :O

Mia: considering what was being drilled into my head in my pre-pubescent and early adolescent days

Aishwarya: poor darling

Mia: oh shite, i just remembered the bhakti geeti style bangla hymn

Aishwarya: hm?

Mia: you have to hear it to believe it

Aishwarya: .. I am afraid to

Mia: it is best not to, i think.

Sketchy

I put pencil to paper after a really long time today. And it was a bit of a disaster.

Bleh, I can't even draw anymore.

Me-me

Tagged. Ergo, six scintillating tidbits of information about me that will make you want to get to know me Really Well.

1. I am a stiletto wearer at heart. In an ideal world, I would wear pretty stilettoes and sashay gracefully all the time, and people would gasp and be struck speechless at the incredible beauty of my legs and the gentle sway of my hips. In real life, I have two pairs with 4" heels, and after putting them on once every two months, I wince for a while and then grimly soldier on in a drunken totter as my legs die and go to hell.

2. I am addicted to obsessing. I ALWAYS have a Current Obsession.

3. Limelight! Come, I love you, I want you. You must be on me! Okay, but in a gentle covert sort of way.

4. I miss being on stage. I miss dancing.

5. Generalizing, but women don't like me. Usually, I get along far better with men. Or women who are quite a bit older than me. Aishwarya, my oracular love, says that this is because the others are all jealous of my Divine Radiance. This must be true.

6. The bizarrest thing that has ever happened to me is hilarious, but I can't put that down here because, really, TMI.

Arre, wah.

You Should Be a Romance Novelist

You see the world as it should be, and this goes double for all matters of the heart. You can find the romance in any situation, and you would make a talented romance story writer... And while you may be a traditional romantic, you're just as likely to be drawn to quirky or dark love stories. As long as it deals with infatuation, heartbreak, and soulmates - you could write it.

What Type of Writer Should You Be?

And maybe I will also start looking like the girl in the picture, then.

Randomness

My mother took break from TV-watching to come light dhoop in front of pictures of various gods and goddesses on her shelf and accidentally dropped the dhoop.
Reverently she said, "Sorry bhogoban, murder-ta dekhchhilam."

Which Ankh-Morpork City Watch(?) Character Are You?

Lord Havelock Vetinari
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In which we realize that we have run out of people to rant to

I don't blog anymore because I don't have time. All I have is work, work and work, and missed deadlines. And though I've been meaning to write a couple of posts for a long time, haven't been able to manage.

Regardless, 2007 was a good year. Great, even. Hope 2008 is even better.

Happy new year, everyone.

This city, it is so small.

I feel needy. And curiously depressed.

Say hello to new improved stitch-removed Toots

What has been happening?

Surgery. Pain. SWELLING. Coming to terms with the fact that one's face, given enough surgical things done to one's teeth, can look like a cross between an overripe papaya and Jay Leno.

PHISPC. Lovely editor. Men who cannot reference. Urghhh. Workworkwork.

Above average. Computer hanky panky. Deadlines. Missed deadlines. Impending deadlines. Dead-lines. DOOM.

Paper. Workwork. But good paper. Nice marks.

Exams. Exam preparation nada. Hyperventilation.

Cancelled bridge games. Waaaaaaaah!

Nandigram. Silent march. Read.

Taslima Nasreen. Curfew. Read.

This city has gone mad. I cannot explain it, defend it, justify it. I can only hope to live my life every day and hope that everyone and everything moves on.

Scaling

The Tooths has been cleaned.

Owww!

Dental surgery next week. To remove three wisdom teeth. One of which is straight and carving my cheek up on the side; the rest two have developed horizontally and are eroding the base of my molars and pressing against nerves in my jaw as they grow.
General anaesthesia and hospitalisation. And I have so much work! Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.

Plug

Read Amitabha Bagchi's Above Average. It really is rather good. It is not the kind of book that I would normally pick up without a recommendation, so am terribly glad that I was nudged towards it. It took me some time to actually get around to reading it, since I was busy writing zillions of tests and papers (which is partly the reason—many other reasons as well, to be explained at length if energy and enthusiasm prevails—that I haven't been blogging for a very long time now) but it was great when I finally did read. It's not a fast-paced book, but it is absorbing in its own way. I think the reason why I was so taken with the book is that it is about a person who is exactly not-me. I decided not to study engineering the summer after my board examinations and decided that I wanted to study literature instead. Had I not got through to JU, however, I'd have studied taken the year off to study for the IIT-JEE, and gone on to study CS (I assume so—I suppose I'll never actually know). I've often wondered, in the last four and a half years, what my life would have been like had I decided otherwise. This book... it brought that wondering back in a way that hasn't happened before; for a couple of days after reading the book, I longed to have gone to an IIT. In fact, I sat and idly fantasised about taking the JEE again after I'm done with my Masters. It sounds silly, but that is how effective this book has been for me. Read it and figure out for yourself whether it is that good or whether I have gone completely nuts.

Aarghh

I've been so disgusted with life and things recently that I haven't even had the energy to post. Things are weird, at home, and at university. Maybe I'll post all about it sometime. Maybe. Bleh.

I have HORRIBLE toothache. Wisdom tooth carving my right cheek out on the inside. Massive ulcerations from it. Swollen face. Howwwwwwwwwl.

Deconstruction

SaussureBarthesDerrida. SourBoreDire.

A world where women sport fashionable tattoos and pose perfectly for pictures on the beach. I'd never have cut it anyway. A worldful of ache.

But my world, it is warm and fuzzy and unfinished. I belong.